Life is full of empty threats. And that's a promise.

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If I Don't Just...

i just realized i’m a “big idea” person

the type that writes pages of sheet music with an intro and an ending but no middle.

has a handful of wordpress blogs with just names and “about” pages but no content.

an entire folder of unfinished photoshop fuck-ups.

a list of video topic ideas that will probably never be filmed.

so. many. short. stories.

character boards for…what? exactly.

I don’t know if any of you can identify with me here. Being a “big idea” person + being raised to believe i can literally do any gotdamn thing i put my mind to = premature ejaculation of the mind.

Let me try to explain how being a “big idea” person feels, as if premature ejaculation didn’t give you a mental picture already. my bad you’re welcome.

WHEN I GET AN IDEA:

I wake up, sit up, stand up, stop drop and rollllll out of whatever the hell i was doing before i got the idea.

I stare into space/at the wall to make sure it was an idea, and not a thought.

I write that shit DOWN, son, cuz ya girl’s memory sucks. which makes sense because i only really have fleeting “big” ideas, never really intricate type thoughts.

I pace. Sometimes literally. Sometimes in my mind. Usually both.

My heart races. I’m not even exaggerating. On some fight or flight type shit.

I think about everything simultaneously. Not details, but how everything is supposed to look/feel as a whole. I never actually map out how i’m going to get there.

I spend hours planning the details to get this thing going slowly but surely thinking about how GOTDAMN AWESOME this is gonna be when it happens boyyyyyyy i tell you whaaaatttt this idea is so good mmmhmmm yes it is honey boo boo child oh wow and i could add *this* and *this* and hmmm maybe if talk to *this* person and…

*busts a nut*

premature ejaculation of the mind. the idea didn’t even get into the groooove yet. didn’t enjoy all the lovin’ and shit that i coulda given it. it just laid there like -___- are you really done? you didn’t even do anything.

I just get ahead of myself sometimes every single day of my life.

-eve

  1. fricandfrac reblogged this from ifidontjust
  2. outrunmydreams said: the same here..:/
  3. ifidontjust posted this